Today I hauled myself out of bed super-early for Christmas Ball tickets. Four hours in the cold later I had tickets, which is jolly good except for the fact I'm still cold now. No one passed out, although I did spend the entire four hours with one scarf around my head and my Jayne hat perched on top in a sort of jaunty angle.
Came home, ate lunch, prepared myself thoroughly, and sat down to deal with some online stuff for FastStream. I was good in the practice test at the verbal reasoning, and I was shite at the maths. I had maths lessons to make up for it and everything. So I went and sat down and did it, and I fell completely to pieces during the verbal reasoning and the maths I could actually do when I sat down and thought about it logically but in twenty-five minutes I only did about eight questions, and my rubbish verbal reasoning isn't going to make up for that. My results are 'pending' and I will know mid-December if I can, you know, submit an application form. OH LUCKY ME. I don't know why I'm bothering, I'm completely underqualified and bloody thick at anything useful anyway. I hope the maths for the less-good bits of civil service is less hard. Stupid ambitions. I've never even had a job in an office, for goodness sake, I'd probably never cope in the Home Office.
I have to write 1000 words for my essay today to keep me on track, but I also have DocSoc this evening and Muppet Christmas Carol afterwards and I just want to go back to bed and try not to contemplate that I am unprepared for the job market and also, you know, I am now both physically and mentally exhausted. Instead of doing either of these things I am wailing on LJ.
Fuck it, I am going back to bed. I probably should have power-napped before, you know, taking a test that determines my future. I was awake before I sat down to take it. At least my essay might be half decent?
[eta: computer crashed, won't turn back on, obviously I hadn't yet backed up either my essay or my dissertation. In library having breakdown trying very hard not to cry.]