![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jul. 2nd, 2011 03:43 pmI'm not dead. It sort of feels like it, though. This week has knocked me for six, I think. I went out this morning to sort out a direct debit to pay the rent and other banking things, and nearly burst into tears on the walk back as I decided that my life was worthless and my entire being was just to use up resources that I couldn't afford anyway.
Unfortunately Richie came home for his lunch when I was still in full on self-loathing and his attempts to be kind just led me from mono-syllabic to snarling. God, but I'm a bitch.
A thorough flat clean has levelled my mood out somewhat. It doesn't help that I'm stony bloody broke at the moment, and will be for some time, so I'm leaning heavily on Richie for funds which is horrifically embarrassing to me. I'm not properly broke, of course, as a big chunk of my income gets squirrelled away in The Wedding Fund which is now looking very healthy, but it's just a bit demoralising. I sort of wanted to make matters up to Richie by perhaps going for the M&S 2 for £10 deal, but then I remembered that's a quarter of the weekly food budget and as such a bit out of reach. Oh well. I have been rolling in disposable income for a while now; it's just a bit rubbish to be back at student levels again.
I need to find some direction again, I think. Now that we have the internet again, I can Plan For The Future. I am getting married in something like nine months and the planning really must begin in earnest, although by 'planning' I currently mean 'googling wedding DJs who won't play Rhianna'. One of the hoys of having a healthy wedding fund is that whilst I can't, say, go to the cute little pub around the corner tonight, I can at least dream about the future and even put a deposit down on it!
I'm also experimenting with a new writing project, but I'm not sure how that'll go. It would be nice to try something a little different (and also give myself something to do once I've finished wedding planning so I don't get the dreaded Post Wedding Blues which I imagine are probably a bit like the Post Flat Moving Blues which I can tell you are bloody awful.)
Unfortunately Richie came home for his lunch when I was still in full on self-loathing and his attempts to be kind just led me from mono-syllabic to snarling. God, but I'm a bitch.
A thorough flat clean has levelled my mood out somewhat. It doesn't help that I'm stony bloody broke at the moment, and will be for some time, so I'm leaning heavily on Richie for funds which is horrifically embarrassing to me. I'm not properly broke, of course, as a big chunk of my income gets squirrelled away in The Wedding Fund which is now looking very healthy, but it's just a bit demoralising. I sort of wanted to make matters up to Richie by perhaps going for the M&S 2 for £10 deal, but then I remembered that's a quarter of the weekly food budget and as such a bit out of reach. Oh well. I have been rolling in disposable income for a while now; it's just a bit rubbish to be back at student levels again.
I need to find some direction again, I think. Now that we have the internet again, I can Plan For The Future. I am getting married in something like nine months and the planning really must begin in earnest, although by 'planning' I currently mean 'googling wedding DJs who won't play Rhianna'. One of the hoys of having a healthy wedding fund is that whilst I can't, say, go to the cute little pub around the corner tonight, I can at least dream about the future and even put a deposit down on it!
I'm also experimenting with a new writing project, but I'm not sure how that'll go. It would be nice to try something a little different (and also give myself something to do once I've finished wedding planning so I don't get the dreaded Post Wedding Blues which I imagine are probably a bit like the Post Flat Moving Blues which I can tell you are bloody awful.)
