hathycol | (no subject)

So, I didn't update yesterday because the entirely logical thing to do was clean the entire house. I am not joking. The kitchen was scrubbed to an inch of its life, the shower was slooshed out, the hall was scrubbed and hoovered, the walls were washed, the lounge was made to be a thing of beauty, and that was all I had time to do. Very therapeutic, because the house was filthy and I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE. *deep breathes*

I finished cleaning at 1.30am after a five hour break. I'm not kidding, I was actually cleaning my room at 1.00am with a vigorous anger.

I spent the time in the middle cooking, too. We Experimented with the cookery book, and I made a lovely lovely vegetable and feta casserole as well as apple crumble. All in all I feel very proud of myself in a domesticated sort of way. I also read all of Memoirs of a Geisha and loved it to bits.

Anyone who jokes that I am nesting gets hit on the head.

So. Road Trip of Crazyness!

It began at at a shockingly early hour of Saturday. This was possibly the first mistake, as I had been bopping the night before. I bopped long and hard and basically went to bed six hours before I woke up and seven hours before I left. Oops.

However, we managed to leave the house and drove with few problems to Edinburgh, listening to Katie's tapes that she nicked from her Dad. Lots of random punk stuff, which is always good fun. We had to stop in Edinburgh for a purpose, you see. This purpose was what has become genially known as Sarah's Foosty Foosty Nipple. Ah, infected piercings.

So, that was taken out in Katie's piercing place, MacDonald's was purchased, and we returned to the car and left Edinburgh with absolutely no problems or even any hassle over directions. The tape played on merrily, and as Sid Vicious began to wail 'My Way' the acceleration went.

"COME ON STARBUG, GOOD CAR!" I wailed a lot, as we were on the sliproad for a motorway junction and would, in fact, die if we went slowly. Threw it down to fourth gear and just about managed to get a little speed up.

And now, the end is near...

"Can you smell burning?"

... final curtain...

"Oh, shit."

Pulled over, tried to open the bonnet was was greeted with plumes of smoke and a burning smell. Phoned Dad and then the RAC and proceeded to wait at the side of the road, possibly nearly causing accidents.

An hour later, the RAC man arrived. I resisted the urge to hug him and cry "MY SAVIOUR!" especially after he told me that the car was essentially buggared and that more importantly it would cost "under £500" to fix.

AND I DID IT MY WAY!

I am so glad I'm with the RAC, though. We got towed to the nearest service station, which consisted of me steering behind while I was dragged behind the van. Most disconcerting thing ever, I have to say. We then waited for a further hour to be towed without me steering to Ormskirk by a man who seemed to be Shadwell. No, seriously. I went into the service station to buy crisps and came out to see housemates brandishing a phone at me, and this was my first contact with the man.

"Y'ONTEMEEEEHHHHH?"

"Erm, pardon?"

"Y'ONTEMEEEEHHHHH?"

"What?"

"Y'ONTEMEEEEHHHHH?"

"Oh! No, not on the M8, I'm at a service station..."

"M'B'TEINMIIIIIINS!"

"Okay, thank you!"

He didn't speak to us the entire way from Edinburgh (we actually weren't out of the borders of the city, eeek) other than to ask directions in Ormskirk. Good grief. Strange man, but he did tow us for about five hours, so that's something.

I had a night out planned in Liverpool for Saturday night, and I'd be damned if I was going to cancel it, though. We got into my house, flung people around into appropriate places, ate food and ran out to the train station.

This was proof number two that my day was going to hell in a handbasket.

Sat on a train to be greeted by a very, very drunk scallie. For those that do not know this phenonmen of a scallie, they are a breed of the family chav, specific to the North-West. You may know this general family as a ned (Scottish - non-educated delinquent), a townie (North-East) or any other variant, but the scallie is a breed unto itself. More virulently orange than their Southern counter-part, the Liverpool varient traditionally sounds slightly like they're going to gob up every time they use a word with a 'k' sound in it ("likkkkkkkkke?") and dresses up In The Nines on a night out in whatever is currently trendy in Warehouse.

They do not have this is Germany, Derya later informed me. Think it scared her just a little bit.

So, this girl approaches me and practically falls over. "YOU'RE MEGAN'S SISTER!"

"Erm, yes."

"Oh my god, YOU'RE THE LESBIAN!"

"Aha, funny story, actualy engaged to a man."

So, this girl kicks off on me, calls me a geek for wearing glasses, calls me a mong, calls me aposh ("Why do you sound so posh?" "Because I'm at a bloody good university." "Are you saying I couldn't get into university?" "If I say 'yes' will you go away?") and is generally very very drunk. I thought she was what, about 17? Then she says she's going to deck my sister. Whatever family loyalty I have left, I dredge up.

"Leave my sister alone, she fifteen."

"So am I!"

I blink, Derya chokes.

"Well, why are you drunk?"

"'CAUSE I WANNA BE, BITCH!"

She staggers off. It's an exciting train journey, as well you can imagine. I realise I know quite a few of the faces from my little sister's class as they talk excitedly about getting into various clubs and stuff whilst swigging coke bottles which probably have half a thimble of vodka in them.

We got into Moorfields, the last station from Liverpool Central and the girl staggers up. She looks thoughtful. She's a sick as a dog. And again, over her open-toed shoes. Then she falls in it.

We waited to howl with laughter after we got off the train and left her slightly scary friends.

So, Liverpool was heaving and I think it alarmed housemates, but there we are. Met Jess and generally had a fab night, including a few hours in the Krazyhouse dancing like idiots. Returned home very late and fell asleep.

A very bizarre day.

Slept for most of the next day, but did go out to see Brokeback Mountain. I loved it and cried my eyes out at the end. Also had a very bizarre moment involving seeing

zeta_of_s's parents car in the car park and trying to hide behind Sarah because I looked hungover and like crap and I'm trying to make a good impression what the whole mother in law thing. (Now that is an odd phrase.) Did not see them, however, which may or amy not be a good thing.

We played Monopoly and Scrabble that night. My parents laughed, but we laughed more. Actually far too entertaining because secretly we are all children.

I bought Mayfair, ergo I won.

Next day was equally sleepy, just waiting for the car to be fixed. It was! Thank god. However, this did rather result in me having to drive home in the dark. I've mentioned it already, so I won't go on.

We took 'My Way' out of the tape machine before it could start, though.

Today I am going to do nothing. I have only been awake for about an hour, or though. I need to eat and stuff. It is a rock and roll life I lead. I am not feeling especially healthy, though.

Also, tonight is Burns Night.

I am not eating haggis. Katie and Kim are not in, so the foreigners in the house outweigh the Scots on this issue. YAY.

~Hathy_Col~