(no subject)

[hathycol]

Why can't I stop being like this? Why, when life is good and there are wonderful things happening to me and in my life, can't I just be happy with it? Why am I so ungrateful? I don't deserve things to be this good, and yet I'm here, genuinely contemplating just shutting my curtains and locking my door and curling under the blanket until everyone and everything goes away. Why can't I talk about this to anyone? I just joke and say it's okay and for most of the time it is it is, life is okay, but right now it's not but I can't talk to anyone, not properly, so I'm probably just some sort of social retard anyway, and whatever BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I don't want to be me, today. And I don't know why, because me has it pretty good, all things considered. I don't deserve all that's good, because I'm an ungrateful wretch. I'm sorry. I can't even cry properly and let it all about because I'm afraid of someone hearing. Fuck.

And now I'm going to go and get very, very drunk because BLUE DRINKS MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.