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hathycolOh, and I signed up for LGBTfest, in two fandoms I've never written in before. (Discworld and Torchwood, if you're interested.) I've been spending some time mulling on both the issues I've chosen, so... well, it should be interesting. Because, well, I am me.
I've never felt any shame in the fact that I fancy women, but there's always the awkward questions when you have, in fact, spent some productive years sleeping with men. It's no one else's business who I shag and fancy, it really isn't, but there are times when I keep quiet about who I fancy because I don't want to be ostracised in work. I didn't do that, once, but that was when I seeing Clare, and I wasn't going to hide the person I was with. It's not... I don't know, it's not relevent, but when I've talked about fancying girls, people have (on two seperate occasions) just assumed I'm a lesbian. Or assumed I'm straight, because of the aforementioned sleeping with men. And I'm not... proud is the wrong word, you know? I'm not 'proud' of who I am. I'm proud of my A-Levels, I'm proud of my achievements, but I'm no more proud of being bisexual than I am of my height. It's a fact of life, that I'm not and never will be ashamed of, but is just another facet of my existence. That said, I have had a go at people for homophobia, on one notable occasion at my manager, and I have bawled out my housemate for transphobia and will always do that. I don't say it's because "OMG IT IS BECAUSE I FANCY GIRLS TOO". Yes, there's a personal element there, because there's my situation, there's the situation of people I'm very close to, but at the end of the day, I will stamp on it because it's bigotry, and it's offensive. Nothing more, nothing less.
I wonder sometimes if that's because my only connection with the LGBT community is through LJ, really; I'm not involved with LGBTSoc here, and... I don't know. I sit and I fret about things, and I'm afraid to voice them, sometimes. I think about the character of Ravi in Hollyoaks, who is sleeping with Nancy and Kris The Transvestite (it's a big threesome triangle, don't ask) but his justification is just that "he's greedy" and doesn't classify it as part of himself, it's just a thing. Part of me thinks that yes, that makes sense and the program is making more a big deal of infidelity than the genders, which I actually really support, but saying "greedy" just adds to the idea that being greedy is the standard trope for bisexuality. I probably fancy the same percentage of the population as anyone else, straight or gay; I just like a larger demographic, that's all. Something else worrying me is this new film, Lesbian Vampire Killers. They are people that kill lesbian vampires, not lesbians that kill vampires. Okay, well, let's get sexualities in titles of films, let's talk about it, but why are they killing the vampires? Is it because they're bad people, or are they somehow inherently worse due to being lesbians? I've not seen it, and I know it's meant to be a comedy, but I honestly worry about stuff like this.
And I'd like to make the kind of intellectual post that people link to, and say "THIS", but I don't know if I can; because my bisexuality is something that I've just accepted and got on with. That I only had issues with some of the twats that I went to high school with. That my parents both... well, accept it, and my friends have always been cool with it. That doesn't mean that I shouldn't think about it, though, and that I shouldn't wonder about my own stance, and how I work through talking openly about my sexuality with a world and a future workplace that may, or may not, be hostile.
I think that's why I'm doing LGBTfest. That, and I have two wonderful prompts that I'm very much looking forward to getting my teeth into. Possibly in the manner of a lesbian vampire.
I've never felt any shame in the fact that I fancy women, but there's always the awkward questions when you have, in fact, spent some productive years sleeping with men. It's no one else's business who I shag and fancy, it really isn't, but there are times when I keep quiet about who I fancy because I don't want to be ostracised in work. I didn't do that, once, but that was when I seeing Clare, and I wasn't going to hide the person I was with. It's not... I don't know, it's not relevent, but when I've talked about fancying girls, people have (on two seperate occasions) just assumed I'm a lesbian. Or assumed I'm straight, because of the aforementioned sleeping with men. And I'm not... proud is the wrong word, you know? I'm not 'proud' of who I am. I'm proud of my A-Levels, I'm proud of my achievements, but I'm no more proud of being bisexual than I am of my height. It's a fact of life, that I'm not and never will be ashamed of, but is just another facet of my existence. That said, I have had a go at people for homophobia, on one notable occasion at my manager, and I have bawled out my housemate for transphobia and will always do that. I don't say it's because "OMG IT IS BECAUSE I FANCY GIRLS TOO". Yes, there's a personal element there, because there's my situation, there's the situation of people I'm very close to, but at the end of the day, I will stamp on it because it's bigotry, and it's offensive. Nothing more, nothing less.
I wonder sometimes if that's because my only connection with the LGBT community is through LJ, really; I'm not involved with LGBTSoc here, and... I don't know. I sit and I fret about things, and I'm afraid to voice them, sometimes. I think about the character of Ravi in Hollyoaks, who is sleeping with Nancy and Kris The Transvestite (it's a big threesome triangle, don't ask) but his justification is just that "he's greedy" and doesn't classify it as part of himself, it's just a thing. Part of me thinks that yes, that makes sense and the program is making more a big deal of infidelity than the genders, which I actually really support, but saying "greedy" just adds to the idea that being greedy is the standard trope for bisexuality. I probably fancy the same percentage of the population as anyone else, straight or gay; I just like a larger demographic, that's all. Something else worrying me is this new film, Lesbian Vampire Killers. They are people that kill lesbian vampires, not lesbians that kill vampires. Okay, well, let's get sexualities in titles of films, let's talk about it, but why are they killing the vampires? Is it because they're bad people, or are they somehow inherently worse due to being lesbians? I've not seen it, and I know it's meant to be a comedy, but I honestly worry about stuff like this.
And I'd like to make the kind of intellectual post that people link to, and say "THIS", but I don't know if I can; because my bisexuality is something that I've just accepted and got on with. That I only had issues with some of the twats that I went to high school with. That my parents both... well, accept it, and my friends have always been cool with it. That doesn't mean that I shouldn't think about it, though, and that I shouldn't wonder about my own stance, and how I work through talking openly about my sexuality with a world and a future workplace that may, or may not, be hostile.
I think that's why I'm doing LGBTfest. That, and I have two wonderful prompts that I'm very much looking forward to getting my teeth into. Possibly in the manner of a lesbian vampire.
