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Oct. 27th, 2015 08:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hathycolAbout a month ago, I went for a run.
This is not the simple statement it sounds like. I am not exactly in shape - I can walk for hours but that's about it. I pulled out my old yoga pants, an old pair of trainers, sports bra, clutched my keys and phone in my hand, and ran around the street. Threw up a tiny bit when I got back.
Normally this would deter me forever, as it had on my about three other attempts to every try running over the years. I'm not a runner! On school sports days I once fell over my own feet! I am wobbly in every sense of the term! But not this time. I went for a run again this morning, at 6.20am, me and the binmen and the watery sunlight, and I ran for five minutes without stopping. Then I did it again.
I needed a new project. I am also hideously aware that I am, well, a bit wobbly. The PCOS means that just diet ain't gonna cut it as I get older. Running for buses was generally a humiliating failure. And as I move into winter, walking in the morning or at lunch is all very well and good but exercise is the key, they say, and that frantic 'walk down the embankment to work' is only doing so much for my endorphins.Plus, I do NOT want to be first in line for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Gyms are expensive, and the free work one contains colleagues OH GOD NO DANGER WILLROBINSON but running outside is free, and hell, we're just by Walthamstow marshes.
After the disastrous run, I tried again with some walking gaps. This worked, but also didn't feel... structured, enough. So I did some research, had a quiet little trip to Primark for some new running trousers, downloaded a Couch to 5k app, and had a bash again the next weekend. I didn't tell anyone, except forloneraven when we got stuck into wine and tapas.
It started, well, working. My trainers snapped. I found the SportsDirect near my work and got the next one. I needed more sound when I ran, so I finally figured out the podcast app on my phone and started listening to Welcome to Night Vale, but banned myself from listening at any other times. I wanted to listen to more, so I forced myself out of the house every day on the weekend, and in the morning twice a week. Richie is training to cycle across France, as you do, so I sneaked out when he was out. I didn't want to tell people in case I failed again, in case I just couldn't do it, or stopped.
Richie eventually discovered me when I went to throw out my old trainers when they snapped. I didn't tell him either. I was also afraid of being patronised, because most people I know at the moment seem to be running marathons, to lift huge weights, to do all sorts of things I can't do or don't want to to do. I don't want to talk about personal bests or stuff like that. I just want to get up some stamina, to hit some low level goals, and to get some endorphins and some sunlight on the odd morning. Richie has in fact been very supportive and is constantly pleasantly baffled to realise that I got up at 6am again.
I decided I would tell people when I could run for five minutes. Which again, I did this morning. So I put up a message on facebook and generally cheered. I feel so, so proud of myself. I don't love running yet, but I do enjoy the feeling later on in the day. And my head feels much clearer compared to this time last year. Night Vale is also really helping, but it does jar with the cheery app. One of my favourite moments was:
"The pyramid has changed its message, and is now transmitting..." "YOU'RE DOING GREAT, AWESOME RUNNER!" I cackled, slightly out of breath.
My next big aim is to be able to go for a run with Richie over the Christmas break, although I do slightly suspect he will loop me several time. I am very slow and suspect I won't get much faster. That's ok. I want to be able to just keep running, and in the summer run along the canals, and be slightly less wobbly, and slightly less hate myself, which I can find myself doing at this time of year. If my body can do this, something I never thought it could... well, it's a nice feeling.
Sports bras, though. Fucking hell. Talk about a necessary evil.
This is not the simple statement it sounds like. I am not exactly in shape - I can walk for hours but that's about it. I pulled out my old yoga pants, an old pair of trainers, sports bra, clutched my keys and phone in my hand, and ran around the street. Threw up a tiny bit when I got back.
Normally this would deter me forever, as it had on my about three other attempts to every try running over the years. I'm not a runner! On school sports days I once fell over my own feet! I am wobbly in every sense of the term! But not this time. I went for a run again this morning, at 6.20am, me and the binmen and the watery sunlight, and I ran for five minutes without stopping. Then I did it again.
I needed a new project. I am also hideously aware that I am, well, a bit wobbly. The PCOS means that just diet ain't gonna cut it as I get older. Running for buses was generally a humiliating failure. And as I move into winter, walking in the morning or at lunch is all very well and good but exercise is the key, they say, and that frantic 'walk down the embankment to work' is only doing so much for my endorphins.
After the disastrous run, I tried again with some walking gaps. This worked, but also didn't feel... structured, enough. So I did some research, had a quiet little trip to Primark for some new running trousers, downloaded a Couch to 5k app, and had a bash again the next weekend. I didn't tell anyone, except for
loneraven when we got stuck into wine and tapas. It started, well, working. My trainers snapped. I found the SportsDirect near my work and got the next one. I needed more sound when I ran, so I finally figured out the podcast app on my phone and started listening to Welcome to Night Vale, but banned myself from listening at any other times. I wanted to listen to more, so I forced myself out of the house every day on the weekend, and in the morning twice a week. Richie is training to cycle across France, as you do, so I sneaked out when he was out. I didn't want to tell people in case I failed again, in case I just couldn't do it, or stopped.
Richie eventually discovered me when I went to throw out my old trainers when they snapped. I didn't tell him either. I was also afraid of being patronised, because most people I know at the moment seem to be running marathons, to lift huge weights, to do all sorts of things I can't do or don't want to to do. I don't want to talk about personal bests or stuff like that. I just want to get up some stamina, to hit some low level goals, and to get some endorphins and some sunlight on the odd morning. Richie has in fact been very supportive and is constantly pleasantly baffled to realise that I got up at 6am again.
I decided I would tell people when I could run for five minutes. Which again, I did this morning. So I put up a message on facebook and generally cheered. I feel so, so proud of myself. I don't love running yet, but I do enjoy the feeling later on in the day. And my head feels much clearer compared to this time last year. Night Vale is also really helping, but it does jar with the cheery app. One of my favourite moments was:
"The pyramid has changed its message, and is now transmitting..." "YOU'RE DOING GREAT, AWESOME RUNNER!" I cackled, slightly out of breath.
My next big aim is to be able to go for a run with Richie over the Christmas break, although I do slightly suspect he will loop me several time. I am very slow and suspect I won't get much faster. That's ok. I want to be able to just keep running, and in the summer run along the canals, and be slightly less wobbly, and slightly less hate myself, which I can find myself doing at this time of year. If my body can do this, something I never thought it could... well, it's a nice feeling.
Sports bras, though. Fucking hell. Talk about a necessary evil.
