(no subject)
Jul. 16th, 2003 07:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hathycolI saw the Raplh Bukshi version of LOTR last night. Words really vcannot describe how bad it was. i realised this within the first twenty seonds of viewing, and as such, aactually did my own lil fringedwelling of it. It should really get across the pain.
-Is that Alec Guiness?
-This prologue is supringly accurate, until you get to the things about "Tall Elven-Kings" (Galadriel may have beenb man-hearted, but that was it) and the Nazgul being created during the Rings sojourn. This is not a good sign.
-Is that Smeagol? Ugh!
-Why is the Ring bouncing?
-This brings back so many memories. I saw half of this as a child...
-I feel so traumatised that Frodo's eyes are brown.
-Why is Bilbo transporting?
-Gandalf appears to be blue. Oh dear.
-None of this would make sense if you hadn't read the books. Kudos to PJ.
-Ooooh, they kept the timeframe right.
-Jesus, this really was a waste of money.
-They all have anime eyes!
-And terrible pronounciation. Bring back "doooooom" and rolling 'r's.
-Sam looks like a child-molester doing the goose-step.
-Aruman? WTF?
-Orthanc looks pretty.
-"D-I-S-C-O at Aruman's place!"
-Looks a lot like the Flash Gorden film
-If Bored of the Rings was filmed, this actually would be it.
-ARGH! Childhood trauma! I had nightmares about this scene for week! They're much scarier than PJ Nazgul. Although am unsure why the Nazgul is crippled.
-Sam now sounds like Nursie from Blackadder.
-Bree looks like a Monty Python film.
-ARAGORN HAS NO TROUSERS!
-Frodo can't sing OR dance. A lethal combination.
-Aragorn may have no pants, but I'm actually more worried by the lack of beard.
-"Will you have me?" "Sorry, Aragorn, we just met, and I promised Sam..."
-ARAGORN HAS NO PANTS! I can't quite get over this.
-This is another trauma scene.
-Why do the horses have blue eyes?
-Nazgul were NEVER invisible.
-Awww... Luthien type scene. Yet no Arwen. This has to be a good thing.
-I note that on the mention of "eternal love" Sam hugs Frodo.
-"Star Trekking, across Middle-Earth..."
-Glorfy's been replaced again. By Legolas! With bad Elvish pronounciation. And really short hair. And "My Lord Elrond". I'm not sure if I like this.
-Narolim, Asfaloth! Isn't it supposed to be a bright horse?
-Just say no, kids.
-This is actually making me prefer Arwen's car chase, and that says a lot.
-Ugh. Rivendell looks like a Tibetean monastery.
-Dare I even see what Elrond looks like?
-Gandalf is a self-centred bastard. "Ask me why I was late."
-The Elves all have short hair. *sobs*
-I just spotted 'Borimir' on the titles for the chapters. Oh god. 'Borimir' and 'Aruman'?
-Wow, 'Borimir' has a Yorkshire accent too!
-I can't say enough about how wrong they've gotten the Council scene. Elrond has bad hair, they're gabbling through ti with a voice-over, and it's three minutes long. Yowser.
-'Borimir' has a stupid hat. And also no pants.
-The Mithril shirt could also be used as a funky disco shirt. Sparkly!
-Gimli hasn't spoken yet. Thats not good.
-Oh, they've just psoken of him. "Gimli, son of Glow-in." Ack.
-They've got to be really cold on the mountains with no pants on.
-Aruman AGAIN.
-Mooria? What, it's a dairy mine?
-Gimli speaks! Why must his first words be marred with mis-pronounciation? "Bay-lin?"
-You know, I'm finding myself really liking Legolas in this. Shame on me.
-Oh, the pronounciation!
-Why is Gimli the same height as Legolas?
-You'd get in if you pronounced Edro correctly, Gandalf.
-It ate Bill!! IT ATE BILL!
-Gandalf really is a bastard.
-Gimli has a stupid hat too. And he's constantly talking to Legolas. Have they even read the book?
-"Bay-lin, son of Foondin, Lord of Mooria." There's so much wrong with that I need not comment.
-You know, Legolas doesn't have pointy ears in this.
-The orcs and the cave troll are wrong on so many levels.
-Slo-mo worthy of the Matrix.
-The Balrog is seven foot tal and looks like a gorilla with wings.
-"Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a Balrog!"
-Aragorn is worringly disturbed with pushing Frodo to the floor.
-'Borimirs' sword is crap.
-I hate Ball-hogs too. Nor am I keen on Balrogs.
-Lord SELLABORN? Someone didn't read THE FIRST LINE of the language appendice.
-Galadriel is... okay, actually.
-Thats a lie, I just saw her eyes. *whimpers in fear*
-Now Frodo's pushing Aragorn on the floor. Me spies a pattern.
-IT'S NOT ARUMAN!
-Galadriel looks pregnant, evil, and has Jubilee fingers.
-And she dances like a twerp. I much prefer Blanchett's freak out.
-Issydoor and Miners Tirith? It's like a badfic but FILMED.
-We missed out the gifts again?
-Aragorn is a bit of a bastard, too.
-The orcs still pain me. But Gollum is quite groovy.
-For the first time in my entrie existance, I am SO happy Boromir died. Maybe it's because I have no emotional attachment to 'Borimir'
-That's a crappy horn of Gondor.
-Gimli suffers from heriditary baldness, I see.
-Borimir has a nose hair problem.
-Run Forrestt, Run!
-The score isn't a patch on Howard Shore
-Gimli is too tall.
-Look, the orcs were able to speak Englsih. Or Westron. You know what I mean.
-The Rohirrim have no pants either! Someone tell Dolorabee!
0This film has completely ceased making sense.
-Awful Gollum voice, but I like the animation.
-Gollum sounds like a cheap pimp. "Where you going, we wonders... wants a date, we does..."
-Is it geeky that I cheered when I saw that they had the teeth number accurate?
-Huh!
-Eomer looks like Flash Gordan.
-I've read the books and yet I can't understand it.
-The animation is pants.
-Slashy moment! Go Merry/Pippin!
-Why does Treebeard look like a walking carrot from a B-Movie? And is he spitting leaves?
-Aruman returns. Don't worry, little Hobbits, Saruman is the one you need to worry about.
-I really like the way Legolas says a lot, but poor Gimli says sod all.
-Oh! pretty pretty artwork!
-Flash Eomer hasn't spoken yet. But they did pronounce his name right. Kudos.
-Roan? Is that the plac near Aruman's?
-Helm's Deep is pretty.
-WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE THEY DONE TO EOWYN?
-Wormtongue has an Evil!Moustache
-Gimli's amazing re-appearing/disappearing hat.
-WTF?
-Here Be Dragons. Or pterodactyls. Whatever.
-Quite a goos Smeagol flip-out moment,
-In this film, all I liked was the Nazgul, Leggy and Gollum. Thats not good.
-Orcs don't sing so tunefully.
-You know what? There is a very special hell that Ralph Bkshi resides in. And his little scriptwriters too!!
-THE FIRES OF ISENGARD WAS GUNPOWDER, PRAT!
-"Friend of friends, occasional lover.."
-"All the goose-step hobbits with the cursed face..."
-Thats a really, really crap ending.
-I watched the ending purely to find out my hitlist.
-Legolas was played by someone called Anthony Daniels, Gandalf was not Alec Guiness and I'm very amused to see that a bloke called Dominic voiced Pippin.
-Hang about. Isn't Antony Daniels C3PO?
There's also a very good critique on Flying Moose Of Nargothrond: http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/bakshi/bakshi.htm
Yet it still burneth.
Oh well.
~Hathy_Col~
-Is that Alec Guiness?
-This prologue is supringly accurate, until you get to the things about "Tall Elven-Kings" (Galadriel may have beenb man-hearted, but that was it) and the Nazgul being created during the Rings sojourn. This is not a good sign.
-Is that Smeagol? Ugh!
-Why is the Ring bouncing?
-This brings back so many memories. I saw half of this as a child...
-I feel so traumatised that Frodo's eyes are brown.
-Why is Bilbo transporting?
-Gandalf appears to be blue. Oh dear.
-None of this would make sense if you hadn't read the books. Kudos to PJ.
-Ooooh, they kept the timeframe right.
-Jesus, this really was a waste of money.
-They all have anime eyes!
-And terrible pronounciation. Bring back "doooooom" and rolling 'r's.
-Sam looks like a child-molester doing the goose-step.
-Aruman? WTF?
-Orthanc looks pretty.
-"D-I-S-C-O at Aruman's place!"
-Looks a lot like the Flash Gorden film
-If Bored of the Rings was filmed, this actually would be it.
-ARGH! Childhood trauma! I had nightmares about this scene for week! They're much scarier than PJ Nazgul. Although am unsure why the Nazgul is crippled.
-Sam now sounds like Nursie from Blackadder.
-Bree looks like a Monty Python film.
-ARAGORN HAS NO TROUSERS!
-Frodo can't sing OR dance. A lethal combination.
-Aragorn may have no pants, but I'm actually more worried by the lack of beard.
-"Will you have me?" "Sorry, Aragorn, we just met, and I promised Sam..."
-ARAGORN HAS NO PANTS! I can't quite get over this.
-This is another trauma scene.
-Why do the horses have blue eyes?
-Nazgul were NEVER invisible.
-Awww... Luthien type scene. Yet no Arwen. This has to be a good thing.
-I note that on the mention of "eternal love" Sam hugs Frodo.
-"Star Trekking, across Middle-Earth..."
-Glorfy's been replaced again. By Legolas! With bad Elvish pronounciation. And really short hair. And "My Lord Elrond". I'm not sure if I like this.
-Narolim, Asfaloth! Isn't it supposed to be a bright horse?
-Just say no, kids.
-This is actually making me prefer Arwen's car chase, and that says a lot.
-Ugh. Rivendell looks like a Tibetean monastery.
-Dare I even see what Elrond looks like?
-Gandalf is a self-centred bastard. "Ask me why I was late."
-The Elves all have short hair. *sobs*
-I just spotted 'Borimir' on the titles for the chapters. Oh god. 'Borimir' and 'Aruman'?
-Wow, 'Borimir' has a Yorkshire accent too!
-I can't say enough about how wrong they've gotten the Council scene. Elrond has bad hair, they're gabbling through ti with a voice-over, and it's three minutes long. Yowser.
-'Borimir' has a stupid hat. And also no pants.
-The Mithril shirt could also be used as a funky disco shirt. Sparkly!
-Gimli hasn't spoken yet. Thats not good.
-Oh, they've just psoken of him. "Gimli, son of Glow-in." Ack.
-They've got to be really cold on the mountains with no pants on.
-Aruman AGAIN.
-Mooria? What, it's a dairy mine?
-Gimli speaks! Why must his first words be marred with mis-pronounciation? "Bay-lin?"
-You know, I'm finding myself really liking Legolas in this. Shame on me.
-Oh, the pronounciation!
-Why is Gimli the same height as Legolas?
-You'd get in if you pronounced Edro correctly, Gandalf.
-It ate Bill!! IT ATE BILL!
-Gandalf really is a bastard.
-Gimli has a stupid hat too. And he's constantly talking to Legolas. Have they even read the book?
-"Bay-lin, son of Foondin, Lord of Mooria." There's so much wrong with that I need not comment.
-You know, Legolas doesn't have pointy ears in this.
-The orcs and the cave troll are wrong on so many levels.
-Slo-mo worthy of the Matrix.
-The Balrog is seven foot tal and looks like a gorilla with wings.
-"Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a Balrog!"
-Aragorn is worringly disturbed with pushing Frodo to the floor.
-'Borimirs' sword is crap.
-I hate Ball-hogs too. Nor am I keen on Balrogs.
-Lord SELLABORN? Someone didn't read THE FIRST LINE of the language appendice.
-Galadriel is... okay, actually.
-Thats a lie, I just saw her eyes. *whimpers in fear*
-Now Frodo's pushing Aragorn on the floor. Me spies a pattern.
-IT'S NOT ARUMAN!
-Galadriel looks pregnant, evil, and has Jubilee fingers.
-And she dances like a twerp. I much prefer Blanchett's freak out.
-Issydoor and Miners Tirith? It's like a badfic but FILMED.
-We missed out the gifts again?
-Aragorn is a bit of a bastard, too.
-The orcs still pain me. But Gollum is quite groovy.
-For the first time in my entrie existance, I am SO happy Boromir died. Maybe it's because I have no emotional attachment to 'Borimir'
-That's a crappy horn of Gondor.
-Gimli suffers from heriditary baldness, I see.
-Borimir has a nose hair problem.
-Run Forrestt, Run!
-The score isn't a patch on Howard Shore
-Gimli is too tall.
-Look, the orcs were able to speak Englsih. Or Westron. You know what I mean.
-The Rohirrim have no pants either! Someone tell Dolorabee!
0This film has completely ceased making sense.
-Awful Gollum voice, but I like the animation.
-Gollum sounds like a cheap pimp. "Where you going, we wonders... wants a date, we does..."
-Is it geeky that I cheered when I saw that they had the teeth number accurate?
-Huh!
-Eomer looks like Flash Gordan.
-I've read the books and yet I can't understand it.
-The animation is pants.
-Slashy moment! Go Merry/Pippin!
-Why does Treebeard look like a walking carrot from a B-Movie? And is he spitting leaves?
-Aruman returns. Don't worry, little Hobbits, Saruman is the one you need to worry about.
-I really like the way Legolas says a lot, but poor Gimli says sod all.
-Oh! pretty pretty artwork!
-Flash Eomer hasn't spoken yet. But they did pronounce his name right. Kudos.
-Roan? Is that the plac near Aruman's?
-Helm's Deep is pretty.
-WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE THEY DONE TO EOWYN?
-Wormtongue has an Evil!Moustache
-Gimli's amazing re-appearing/disappearing hat.
-WTF?
-Here Be Dragons. Or pterodactyls. Whatever.
-Quite a goos Smeagol flip-out moment,
-In this film, all I liked was the Nazgul, Leggy and Gollum. Thats not good.
-Orcs don't sing so tunefully.
-You know what? There is a very special hell that Ralph Bkshi resides in. And his little scriptwriters too!!
-THE FIRES OF ISENGARD WAS GUNPOWDER, PRAT!
-"Friend of friends, occasional lover.."
-"All the goose-step hobbits with the cursed face..."
-Thats a really, really crap ending.
-I watched the ending purely to find out my hitlist.
-Legolas was played by someone called Anthony Daniels, Gandalf was not Alec Guiness and I'm very amused to see that a bloke called Dominic voiced Pippin.
-Hang about. Isn't Antony Daniels C3PO?
There's also a very good critique on Flying Moose Of Nargothrond: http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/bakshi/bakshi.htm
Yet it still burneth.
Oh well.
~Hathy_Col~
no subject
Date: 2003-07-16 01:07 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-07-16 01:08 pm (UTC)the real tradgedy is that Peter Jacskon didn't conitune the "lack of pants" motif. *snarf*
Re:
Date: 2003-07-16 01:30 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-07-16 01:31 pm (UTC)And Legolas was C3PO! Must all my fandom's corss over in such a manner!
Re:
Date: 2003-07-16 02:23 pm (UTC)