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i cry when angels deserve to die
Apr. 25th, 2010 02:17 pmSo, Doctor Who scared the crap out of me. ( Spoilers )
I am so tired I think I might fall over if I stand up.
I am so tired I think I might fall over if I stand up.
Apr. 25th, 2010
please to be noting flock
Apr. 25th, 2010 02:49 pmSo, I am tired. I am tired all the bloody time at the moment, and I was looking forward to this weekend for rest, relaxation and recuperation, getting some interview prep in, maybe another application form, sleeping like the dead. I had ring-fenced Saturday night, where I would be by myself, to watching Saturday night telling and squeeing about Doctor Who, and crawl into my bed early and sleep like the dead.
The first signs that things are not well came when I got a phonecall during Doctor Who. I basically howled 'ANGELS ARE GOING TO EAT ME' and put the phone down on Jess. Feeling bad, I phoned her after the program had ended, apologised, and agreed to go out in the evening. Already so tired I thought I might keel over, I took two pro plus, had a shower, painted my nails a lurid colour (it always makes me feel better) and waiting for a subsequent phonecall to let me know what was going on.
By 9.30, I was feeling pissy, but eventually got a phonecall through, so threw on some clothes and got a taxi into Ormskirk. "We're going to Liverpool!" I was cheerfully informed, we being Jess, Jo, and a uni friend of Jo's. I was cautious, but then threw caution to the wind, only asking that we returned home, if possible etc, before 3am. This was agreed to as being fine, so we got the train.
For a time, it was okay. We headed to a grimy underground indie bar (better than it sounds) and sat around chatting and drinking, enjoying the atmosphere. Some friends of Jess's turned up, all male, so they joined us and we carried on chatting.
Then things got weird.
Basically, half the reason I haven't seen Jo or Jess very much recently is that I Can't Be Fucked With The Drama. They are really good friends, and work near to each other, so spend a lot of time together, making injokes that completely exclude me. This isn't helped that since Jo split up with Matt, she's got friendly with an ex that plays in a band, and for various reasons Jess is sleeping with another one of the band members. It doesn't make for a nice night out for me, really - they exclude me, probably not deliberately, I have no idea what's going on, and also I am boring and I don't like pulling all-nighters and would rather go home earlier and get some sleep. Also, it is drama-licious and again I Can't Be Fucked. I know that Adam and Jo are sleeping together, I worked that out ages ago, I said my piece about how it would end badly, and I withdrew from the whole thing.
So, these blokes. I'm chatting away, so is Jo's uni friend, good times. Jo all of a sudden gets together with one of these blokes, something which again I'm not fussed about, as to be honest I'm fairly open-minded and the way I look at it is hurrah, it's not her ex. Jess, however, starts to the get the hump with the whole thing, especially when we move out of the bar with the intention of going to the Krazyhouse, a big rock club in town. I am bone-tired by this point, but I'm in Liverpool and essentially trapped - the taxi home is expensive and not one I want to do by myself. It took about half an hour to move on, with people faffing about, and Jess further getting the hump, and Jo running back and forth trying to find this bloke. I, and Jo's friend, were feeling very uncomfortable, but finally we got into the Krazyhouse, where I was completely forgotten about as everyone else charged on ahead on paying, leaving me behind. This is a club with three floors and a no-mobile policy, so if I had got 'lost' so the speak then I have no idea how I would have gotten out.
I found them, eventually, and after a few minutes dancing, Jess and Jo went off to have a barney. They do this a lot. There was crying, and they just stood there basically having a big emotional rant at each other, while I and this poor other girl just stood awkwardly off to one side. I would have liked to dance, really, but it felt a bit weird and just... argh.
Jess and Jo argued for forty minutes. Eventually, I marched in, said 'Look, your mate's feet are killing her, it's 3.30am, let's just go fucking home.' Ten minutes later we left the club (after Jo had come to her friend, apologised, and then pointed at me and said something that I couldn't make out) and I flagged down a taxi, feeling frankly murderous.
And yet in the taxi? Everything fine. We chatted and laughed, and it was maybe the best bit of the evening. I was in bed just after 4am, and got a text about an hour later from Jo, going 'I hope you're not freaked out too, I'm sorry!!" etc etc. I also only paid about £2 for the taxi, and both Jo and Jess seemed desperate to give me all the money to sort it out, which frankly enough feels like guilt money and it probably is.
The moral of the story is that I'm not going out again with an escape route, or a bigger group of friends, because I can't be done with all the drama. I'm sorry. Perhaps I am a boring person now. The thing is, I like going on nights out, I love going out dancing, but it's really not worth being trapped in Liverpool with people around me having hideous drama. Next Saturday, if Richie is not here, I will spend it in front of the telly and squeeing about Doctor Who, which is what I wanted to bloody do in the first place. Night out in Ormskirk, where I can beat a hasty retreat from the drunken bust-ups? Yes please. Anything more dramatic? Not until everyone around me grows up a little.
(TLDR: everyone around me a drama llama and I dislike the fact it makes me seem like a whingey cow and fills me with self-loathing that I am an awful person for just wanting my bed.]
The first signs that things are not well came when I got a phonecall during Doctor Who. I basically howled 'ANGELS ARE GOING TO EAT ME' and put the phone down on Jess. Feeling bad, I phoned her after the program had ended, apologised, and agreed to go out in the evening. Already so tired I thought I might keel over, I took two pro plus, had a shower, painted my nails a lurid colour (it always makes me feel better) and waiting for a subsequent phonecall to let me know what was going on.
By 9.30, I was feeling pissy, but eventually got a phonecall through, so threw on some clothes and got a taxi into Ormskirk. "We're going to Liverpool!" I was cheerfully informed, we being Jess, Jo, and a uni friend of Jo's. I was cautious, but then threw caution to the wind, only asking that we returned home, if possible etc, before 3am. This was agreed to as being fine, so we got the train.
For a time, it was okay. We headed to a grimy underground indie bar (better than it sounds) and sat around chatting and drinking, enjoying the atmosphere. Some friends of Jess's turned up, all male, so they joined us and we carried on chatting.
Then things got weird.
Basically, half the reason I haven't seen Jo or Jess very much recently is that I Can't Be Fucked With The Drama. They are really good friends, and work near to each other, so spend a lot of time together, making injokes that completely exclude me. This isn't helped that since Jo split up with Matt, she's got friendly with an ex that plays in a band, and for various reasons Jess is sleeping with another one of the band members. It doesn't make for a nice night out for me, really - they exclude me, probably not deliberately, I have no idea what's going on, and also I am boring and I don't like pulling all-nighters and would rather go home earlier and get some sleep. Also, it is drama-licious and again I Can't Be Fucked. I know that Adam and Jo are sleeping together, I worked that out ages ago, I said my piece about how it would end badly, and I withdrew from the whole thing.
So, these blokes. I'm chatting away, so is Jo's uni friend, good times. Jo all of a sudden gets together with one of these blokes, something which again I'm not fussed about, as to be honest I'm fairly open-minded and the way I look at it is hurrah, it's not her ex. Jess, however, starts to the get the hump with the whole thing, especially when we move out of the bar with the intention of going to the Krazyhouse, a big rock club in town. I am bone-tired by this point, but I'm in Liverpool and essentially trapped - the taxi home is expensive and not one I want to do by myself. It took about half an hour to move on, with people faffing about, and Jess further getting the hump, and Jo running back and forth trying to find this bloke. I, and Jo's friend, were feeling very uncomfortable, but finally we got into the Krazyhouse, where I was completely forgotten about as everyone else charged on ahead on paying, leaving me behind. This is a club with three floors and a no-mobile policy, so if I had got 'lost' so the speak then I have no idea how I would have gotten out.
I found them, eventually, and after a few minutes dancing, Jess and Jo went off to have a barney. They do this a lot. There was crying, and they just stood there basically having a big emotional rant at each other, while I and this poor other girl just stood awkwardly off to one side. I would have liked to dance, really, but it felt a bit weird and just... argh.
Jess and Jo argued for forty minutes. Eventually, I marched in, said 'Look, your mate's feet are killing her, it's 3.30am, let's just go fucking home.' Ten minutes later we left the club (after Jo had come to her friend, apologised, and then pointed at me and said something that I couldn't make out) and I flagged down a taxi, feeling frankly murderous.
And yet in the taxi? Everything fine. We chatted and laughed, and it was maybe the best bit of the evening. I was in bed just after 4am, and got a text about an hour later from Jo, going 'I hope you're not freaked out too, I'm sorry!!" etc etc. I also only paid about £2 for the taxi, and both Jo and Jess seemed desperate to give me all the money to sort it out, which frankly enough feels like guilt money and it probably is.
The moral of the story is that I'm not going out again with an escape route, or a bigger group of friends, because I can't be done with all the drama. I'm sorry. Perhaps I am a boring person now. The thing is, I like going on nights out, I love going out dancing, but it's really not worth being trapped in Liverpool with people around me having hideous drama. Next Saturday, if Richie is not here, I will spend it in front of the telly and squeeing about Doctor Who, which is what I wanted to bloody do in the first place. Night out in Ormskirk, where I can beat a hasty retreat from the drunken bust-ups? Yes please. Anything more dramatic? Not until everyone around me grows up a little.
(TLDR: everyone around me a drama llama and I dislike the fact it makes me seem like a whingey cow and fills me with self-loathing that I am an awful person for just wanting my bed.]
