hathycol | (no subject) (Reply)

Have just suddenly jit the worst place, self-esteem why. I don't even know why - it was probably just coming from college, realising my hair made me look like Little Orphan Annie and suddenly I was hit with the sudden realisation that this was me ALL THE TIME. I have now put it up in a weird little half and half thing and I am generally bewailing the world and trying to avoid mirrors again. Skin is looking Teh Good, weirdly enough. It is all spot free and unusually clear, but at the same time I am horribly aware of having nasty and gross blackheads and also my own inability to deal with them. Fuck it, I can't afford expensive beauty treatments to get stuck waxed and plucked and exfoliated, so I just meander along and tell myself that I'm qutie happy not wearing make-up, thank you very much and maybe I am but I just feel STUPID and awkward ibn my own skin and I haven't felt like that for a year or so now.

Also, I'm just not best pleased on general principles. Jess completely blew me off to go to Day's tonight, I forgot to go to the library so I have to go before long, I lost my bus pass, paid for a new one, found the frigging pass which leads to my lack of money issue again and now I am snapping at people for no good reason because dammit they are being stupid and I can't be fucking done with it.

Fuck fuck fuck shit arse wanker bollocks fuckity balls crap tits cunt.

God, I still don't feel better. That's not good.

I can't even explain this. It's like my mood just dropped like a stone for no fucking good reason other than just general irritation with self and that horrible and paranoid fear that I am NEVER going to make any friend sinh uni because they will see me and they will RUN IN FEAR.

This week is going to be a bad week. Fuck.