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Jun. 8th, 2005 04:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hathycolOkay, I've not gone and thrown myself under a lorry out of angst, nor have I gone and dyed my hair black and written some shite emo poetry. Instead, I moped around the house, learnt some Oliver Cromwell, felt worse, got a hug from Dad, felt better, went to Rangers and saw ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
calumnity2 who claims I ignore her in this LJ. Now I do not. Huzzah!
Allow me to explain myself. The driving test is just so... weird. I felt sick with nerves all morning and I couldn't sleep. I got into the car and I was just so... ugh. I felt like I had a combination of stage fright, travel sickness and jetlag. This is not a good combination for driving. So, I was het up and nervous (at one point, when I stupidly stalled, I felt that bad I was going to ask to pull over so I could be sick) and then he made me WAIT. I was sat in that car with my head over the steering wheel, shaking, and it was the longest minute of my life. All that emotion and worry came out in the form of crying over the steering wheel. And then Phil had to drive me home. Which was also embarrassing and awful and humiliating.
However, they say if you fall of a bike you should get straight back on. Mum said that to me on Monday night to which I responded "I thought I wasn't meant to. That's the whole point!" However, I went driving yesterday (between revision, hence the Not Online-ness). I drove to Iona's with the entire family (and the dog) and Megan got tutored and we walked EVERYWHERE, what with the fact Iona lives by a pretty little beach and a forest full of squirrels. We also got lost coming back, which is embarrassing. I also went out driving today like a good little solider. I can put in for my test two weeks today and I'm going to grab the first thing that comes up. I am going to pass this bitch if it kills me. I had one major fault but I was okay for everything else, which is annoying...
I have also phoned up for two rather different jobs to day. One for door to door sales (I could... probably... do that) and one for domestic staff in a nursing home. The money isn't bad for either and I could probably keep on at Homebase this way. Don't know if that's a good thng or not, but I'm Taking Charge of my life if it kills me. (That would probably defeat the object.) Hence the fact today I drove, blasted hrough half an English module and phoned for jobs. YAY ME.
Actually, there is a point to this post, as apart to my usual "HELLO ALL I'M GOING TO PRETEND YOU CARE ABOUT MY LIFE."
On Monday, I watched a season one Buffy episode - Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind. This is a bit of a rariety for me. I'm not a raving Buffy fan, but it is the only fandom show I've watched from the very beginning to the very end, no loss of faith in the middle, no buggaring off for another fandom. But I'd actually never seen this one, although I hd seen the last five minutes when I was about 12 on the Beeb. (OLD SKULE.) The basic plot (it's season one,I'm not cutting this) is that a girl is ignored the whole way through high school, and turns invisible. Then tries to kill Cordelia And Pals out of rage.
It's an interesting idea, I suppose. You get ignored and you do a Moomin and become invisible. (I refuse to believe I was the only person who remembers that show.) And, of course, the poor girl is all lonely because none of the popular kids like her. To make it all ohsoworse, she's ignored by everyone else too. No one pays any attention to the poor thing. So she's homicidal.
All I could think was "Dude, is that IT? Why the fuck are you complaining?" If this had happened to Jonathan, I could have seen where the character was coming from. (For those that don't know Buffy, Jonathan was the peripharal outsider nerd who was constantly bullied.) I'd have given anything to be ignored in high school, some years. My situation wasn't entirely dire, I have to admit. I actually managed to make some fabulous friends and had a pretty okay last two years in high school. The first three years though? Worst of my life. People would almost constantly make snide little comments about me, to my face and behind my back. I couldn't do or say a thing wrong, and it didn't really help that I wasn't the kind of girl who fitted in easily. Let's jump fandoms a moment. If I was a Harry Potter character, I'd be a weird combination of Hermione and Luna, I think. Hermione BEFORE she was friends with Ron and Harry, I hasten to add. I was intelligent and I let people know it, and by god I was weird. I still am, but that's because I've learnt to accept it. Those three years I tried everything to make myself more normal, but that never worked either. All those girly magazines with hints on what the laest look is are all crap when you have hair that's marked you out since day one.
That's what it always comes down to, my hair. I'm glad I have it now, as I wouldn't be me without it, but I have Crazy Hair. This marked me out as a Crazy Person since day one at school and it never really ended. It's shallow, but true.
So, people picked on me. I had nothing better to do some lunchtimes than sit and read books and feel horribly insecure about my social standing with people. Fortunately, I discovered sci-fi when I was about 13, and fandom with it. I probably would have killed myself without it, no kidding. I would have had NO FRIENDS and the insecurity to go with it. I could deal with having no friends because I had this thing on the internet that was just for me. People who were like me, were intelligent, were cool, liked the same things I did. It stopped mattering, you see, that people made snarky comments. It's not like it stopped as I got older. I found some friends on the basis that I had this confidence, and it turned out they quite liked having the weird one around. That's still my place now, and god, I'm happy in it. I like being a little bit eclectic. It's not stopped, though. Even at my Leaver's Do I had pathetic comments made about me to my face. Last year was a daily hell with people taking the piss of the bus, all people from high school. "EEEE YOU BIG LESBIAN!" I had all kinds of crap in high school, too, and that spills over on the street sometimes. People shout "FREAK!" at me to my face as though I care.
But if I hadn't found sci-fi... I don't think I could have coped with all of that, you know? So I was one of the lucky ones. I escaped. Even now, though, I think I'd quite like it if people had ignored me rather than actually actively bullied me.
Ugh, I hate that word. It makes me feel like such a victim, and I always protest that it never was that bad. Was it, though? I look back and god, I feel awful just thinking about it. That makes me sound a bit emo and rubbish and "NO ONE LOVES ME" and I don't like that in an LJ post. That's what it was, though. But yeah, I survived.
Back to the original point. Personally, I reckon that Jonathan is the more sympathetic characterr. He is constantly ridiculed and heckled and also has no friends, or at least no friends until he becomes Teh Evil later on. I can understand his motives to be seen in 'Superstar'. He gives no intential harm, then, just a desperate wish to be seen and loved and understood. Whereas Marcie had no such sympathy. She came across a whiny and spoilt and no better than Cordelia, which may have been the point. Either way, the episode came across as empty to me because of that.
...
And THAT was the longest review of an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer I have ever given.
That's about all I've done recently, though. I have another post waiting to be written regarding the adventures of Dad, the Indiana Jones of Suburbia, as well as some great photos of him falling over the hedge (...) and possibly the best video EVER. However, that is for another time. Back to revision...
Oh, and if I don't get back on today, EVERYONE in the UK should watch The Thirteenth Warrior on ITV1 at 11pm. It's such a good film. And looking throuh the rubbishy magazine I found the listing in, there's a photo story with Peter Davison and a picture from The Five Doctors. I squeed. And took a bad photo. And put it up on LJ.
Text - Four Docs and a dummy.
All the Doctor Whos - I was the resident Doctor at the time - were reunited for a story in 1983 called The Five Doctors. But we did cheat a bit with this publicity shot. The original Doctor, William Hartnell, had died, so Richard Hurdnall (far left) pretended to be him. And Tom Baker was worried about being too readily associated with the programme, so he refused to take part and replaced in this shot by a waxwork dummy (middle). In the programme itself, they used unseen footage of Tom from when he was the Doctor. I only have happy memories of this series. It was good for my career and I still attend DoctorWho conventions. What do I think of the new show? I know I'm a traditionalist, but it seems Chris Eccleston has tried to distance himself from previouis Doctors when maybe he should at least give a nod in their direction. If it wasn't for fans of the earlier Doctors, the series would never have come back.
(Crappy photo taken by camera as scanner Be Dead)
I am also worrying aboutelfnut. Stay safe and if you have the time, put out a message to let us know that you and all the elflings are okay.
~Hathy_Col~
Chomsky believes that children's abiluity to learn language is completely innate and mostly genetic. As such, much of the learning is passive.
calumnity2 who claims I ignore her in this LJ. Now I do not. Huzzah!Allow me to explain myself. The driving test is just so... weird. I felt sick with nerves all morning and I couldn't sleep. I got into the car and I was just so... ugh. I felt like I had a combination of stage fright, travel sickness and jetlag. This is not a good combination for driving. So, I was het up and nervous (at one point, when I stupidly stalled, I felt that bad I was going to ask to pull over so I could be sick) and then he made me WAIT. I was sat in that car with my head over the steering wheel, shaking, and it was the longest minute of my life. All that emotion and worry came out in the form of crying over the steering wheel. And then Phil had to drive me home. Which was also embarrassing and awful and humiliating.
However, they say if you fall of a bike you should get straight back on. Mum said that to me on Monday night to which I responded "I thought I wasn't meant to. That's the whole point!" However, I went driving yesterday (between revision, hence the Not Online-ness). I drove to Iona's with the entire family (and the dog) and Megan got tutored and we walked EVERYWHERE, what with the fact Iona lives by a pretty little beach and a forest full of squirrels. We also got lost coming back, which is embarrassing. I also went out driving today like a good little solider. I can put in for my test two weeks today and I'm going to grab the first thing that comes up. I am going to pass this bitch if it kills me. I had one major fault but I was okay for everything else, which is annoying...
I have also phoned up for two rather different jobs to day. One for door to door sales (I could... probably... do that) and one for domestic staff in a nursing home. The money isn't bad for either and I could probably keep on at Homebase this way. Don't know if that's a good thng or not, but I'm Taking Charge of my life if it kills me. (That would probably defeat the object.) Hence the fact today I drove, blasted hrough half an English module and phoned for jobs. YAY ME.
Actually, there is a point to this post, as apart to my usual "HELLO ALL I'M GOING TO PRETEND YOU CARE ABOUT MY LIFE."
On Monday, I watched a season one Buffy episode - Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind. This is a bit of a rariety for me. I'm not a raving Buffy fan, but it is the only fandom show I've watched from the very beginning to the very end, no loss of faith in the middle, no buggaring off for another fandom. But I'd actually never seen this one, although I hd seen the last five minutes when I was about 12 on the Beeb. (OLD SKULE.) The basic plot (it's season one,I'm not cutting this) is that a girl is ignored the whole way through high school, and turns invisible. Then tries to kill Cordelia And Pals out of rage.
It's an interesting idea, I suppose. You get ignored and you do a Moomin and become invisible. (I refuse to believe I was the only person who remembers that show.) And, of course, the poor girl is all lonely because none of the popular kids like her. To make it all ohsoworse, she's ignored by everyone else too. No one pays any attention to the poor thing. So she's homicidal.
All I could think was "Dude, is that IT? Why the fuck are you complaining?" If this had happened to Jonathan, I could have seen where the character was coming from. (For those that don't know Buffy, Jonathan was the peripharal outsider nerd who was constantly bullied.) I'd have given anything to be ignored in high school, some years. My situation wasn't entirely dire, I have to admit. I actually managed to make some fabulous friends and had a pretty okay last two years in high school. The first three years though? Worst of my life. People would almost constantly make snide little comments about me, to my face and behind my back. I couldn't do or say a thing wrong, and it didn't really help that I wasn't the kind of girl who fitted in easily. Let's jump fandoms a moment. If I was a Harry Potter character, I'd be a weird combination of Hermione and Luna, I think. Hermione BEFORE she was friends with Ron and Harry, I hasten to add. I was intelligent and I let people know it, and by god I was weird. I still am, but that's because I've learnt to accept it. Those three years I tried everything to make myself more normal, but that never worked either. All those girly magazines with hints on what the laest look is are all crap when you have hair that's marked you out since day one.
That's what it always comes down to, my hair. I'm glad I have it now, as I wouldn't be me without it, but I have Crazy Hair. This marked me out as a Crazy Person since day one at school and it never really ended. It's shallow, but true.
So, people picked on me. I had nothing better to do some lunchtimes than sit and read books and feel horribly insecure about my social standing with people. Fortunately, I discovered sci-fi when I was about 13, and fandom with it. I probably would have killed myself without it, no kidding. I would have had NO FRIENDS and the insecurity to go with it. I could deal with having no friends because I had this thing on the internet that was just for me. People who were like me, were intelligent, were cool, liked the same things I did. It stopped mattering, you see, that people made snarky comments. It's not like it stopped as I got older. I found some friends on the basis that I had this confidence, and it turned out they quite liked having the weird one around. That's still my place now, and god, I'm happy in it. I like being a little bit eclectic. It's not stopped, though. Even at my Leaver's Do I had pathetic comments made about me to my face. Last year was a daily hell with people taking the piss of the bus, all people from high school. "EEEE YOU BIG LESBIAN!" I had all kinds of crap in high school, too, and that spills over on the street sometimes. People shout "FREAK!" at me to my face as though I care.
But if I hadn't found sci-fi... I don't think I could have coped with all of that, you know? So I was one of the lucky ones. I escaped. Even now, though, I think I'd quite like it if people had ignored me rather than actually actively bullied me.
Ugh, I hate that word. It makes me feel like such a victim, and I always protest that it never was that bad. Was it, though? I look back and god, I feel awful just thinking about it. That makes me sound a bit emo and rubbish and "NO ONE LOVES ME" and I don't like that in an LJ post. That's what it was, though. But yeah, I survived.
Back to the original point. Personally, I reckon that Jonathan is the more sympathetic characterr. He is constantly ridiculed and heckled and also has no friends, or at least no friends until he becomes Teh Evil later on. I can understand his motives to be seen in 'Superstar'. He gives no intential harm, then, just a desperate wish to be seen and loved and understood. Whereas Marcie had no such sympathy. She came across a whiny and spoilt and no better than Cordelia, which may have been the point. Either way, the episode came across as empty to me because of that.
...
And THAT was the longest review of an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer I have ever given.
That's about all I've done recently, though. I have another post waiting to be written regarding the adventures of Dad, the Indiana Jones of Suburbia, as well as some great photos of him falling over the hedge (...) and possibly the best video EVER. However, that is for another time. Back to revision...
Oh, and if I don't get back on today, EVERYONE in the UK should watch The Thirteenth Warrior on ITV1 at 11pm. It's such a good film. And looking throuh the rubbishy magazine I found the listing in, there's a photo story with Peter Davison and a picture from The Five Doctors. I squeed. And took a bad photo. And put it up on LJ.
Text - Four Docs and a dummy.
All the Doctor Whos - I was the resident Doctor at the time - were reunited for a story in 1983 called The Five Doctors. But we did cheat a bit with this publicity shot. The original Doctor, William Hartnell, had died, so Richard Hurdnall (far left) pretended to be him. And Tom Baker was worried about being too readily associated with the programme, so he refused to take part and replaced in this shot by a waxwork dummy (middle). In the programme itself, they used unseen footage of Tom from when he was the Doctor. I only have happy memories of this series. It was good for my career and I still attend DoctorWho conventions. What do I think of the new show? I know I'm a traditionalist, but it seems Chris Eccleston has tried to distance himself from previouis Doctors when maybe he should at least give a nod in their direction. If it wasn't for fans of the earlier Doctors, the series would never have come back.
(Crappy photo taken by camera as scanner Be Dead)
I am also worrying about
elfnut. Stay safe and if you have the time, put out a message to let us know that you and all the elflings are okay.~Hathy_Col~
Chomsky believes that children's abiluity to learn language is completely innate and mostly genetic. As such, much of the learning is passive.
