(no subject)
Apr. 1st, 2006 10:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hathycolI had a really, really, long and detailed post. LJ ate it, and I'm not pleased about it. I think it sort of sums up all I was going to say, though. I am home, in Ormskirk, and perched in the dining room ignoring my slightly scary family in the only room with an internet connection. In order:
The dog ate the doughnuts I brought home to comfort eat myself to death with, and also does not recognise who I am anymore.
My mother and sister remain insane. No arguments with either yet, but fake tan and my wedding have been the main topics of conversation. Mum does not want anything to do with it. She advises running away to do so and I'm all flailing because I do not know what to do about the entire thing and the whole Church Question is still up in the air and I could do without the horror stories of What It Will Be Like When Your Nan And Our Soo (that is how the woman spells her own damned name) Meet Simon's Family, Ooh, It'll Be Terrible just right now. I know she means well, but really.
Dad has vaguely offered me computer speakers which is more happy news.
If you want to see me, this is fabulous! Do so! But not on, um, tomorrow daytime, Tuesday evening or any time on Wednesday. Other than that, I am all yours. If anyone wants to see me. Which I don't think they do. *single sparkly tear of emo-sadness*
There was a lot more emo-sadness here, but I deleted the most of it. Needless to say that I disapprove of having an empty bed, and the fact that 400 metres can feel further than 400 miles (stop making that face, flist, I can see you) because family make stuff awkward at the best of time. I know I'm being ungrateful, because I should be happy with the time I get, and at least I have someone who is wonderful and I am engaged &etc&etc and yes, it is wonderful but I fucking hate this feeling because it's like someone tore a little part of me away and I can't even write about it decently without feeling like people are either rolling their eyes because I'm being stupid and then I feel all embarrassed and I'm sorry, it's not easy and it's impossible to explain to anyone else who doesn't feel like this.
I'm sorry. That sounded angrier than it was meant to. It's anger at the world, mostly. Yes, I am grateful, insanely grateful, for what I have, but it's unfair, but it's a decision that I make so I should stop being so daft. Sorry.
At least I get to hit people with sticks at training tomorrow.
Ice Age was on when I got home! This is marvellous, because who doesn't love a film with a sloth as a main character? But I actually cried at the ending because I am emo!Colleen right now.
A lovely peron commented on my fic and made me happy. Thank you, whoever you are. Speaking of, tomorrow I do my BIG REVEAL OF REMIXREDUX. I'm sure you're all just writhing in agony.
Anyway. I have pretty much nothing to do here. I may, in fact, actually do some university work and write some fanfiction. I really want to write fanfiction of the Firefly variety to make the characters go away for a little bit, but it'll have to wait for now because I'm just feeling drained and listless right now.
I need a hug. BUT I WILL NOT GET ONE, YOU SEE, WHICH IS NOT HELPING MATTERS.
Also people are defriending me. It's quite sad that I notice this and it's more sad that I flail a bit and think that I am some sort fo terrible person due to it.
~Hathy_Col~
The dog ate the doughnuts I brought home to comfort eat myself to death with, and also does not recognise who I am anymore.
My mother and sister remain insane. No arguments with either yet, but fake tan and my wedding have been the main topics of conversation. Mum does not want anything to do with it. She advises running away to do so and I'm all flailing because I do not know what to do about the entire thing and the whole Church Question is still up in the air and I could do without the horror stories of What It Will Be Like When Your Nan And Our Soo (that is how the woman spells her own damned name) Meet Simon's Family, Ooh, It'll Be Terrible just right now. I know she means well, but really.
Dad has vaguely offered me computer speakers which is more happy news.
If you want to see me, this is fabulous! Do so! But not on, um, tomorrow daytime, Tuesday evening or any time on Wednesday. Other than that, I am all yours. If anyone wants to see me. Which I don't think they do. *single sparkly tear of emo-sadness*
There was a lot more emo-sadness here, but I deleted the most of it. Needless to say that I disapprove of having an empty bed, and the fact that 400 metres can feel further than 400 miles (stop making that face, flist, I can see you) because family make stuff awkward at the best of time. I know I'm being ungrateful, because I should be happy with the time I get, and at least I have someone who is wonderful and I am engaged &etc&etc and yes, it is wonderful but I fucking hate this feeling because it's like someone tore a little part of me away and I can't even write about it decently without feeling like people are either rolling their eyes because I'm being stupid and then I feel all embarrassed and I'm sorry, it's not easy and it's impossible to explain to anyone else who doesn't feel like this.
I'm sorry. That sounded angrier than it was meant to. It's anger at the world, mostly. Yes, I am grateful, insanely grateful, for what I have, but it's unfair, but it's a decision that I make so I should stop being so daft. Sorry.
At least I get to hit people with sticks at training tomorrow.
Ice Age was on when I got home! This is marvellous, because who doesn't love a film with a sloth as a main character? But I actually cried at the ending because I am emo!Colleen right now.
A lovely peron commented on my fic and made me happy. Thank you, whoever you are. Speaking of, tomorrow I do my BIG REVEAL OF REMIXREDUX. I'm sure you're all just writhing in agony.
Anyway. I have pretty much nothing to do here. I may, in fact, actually do some university work and write some fanfiction. I really want to write fanfiction of the Firefly variety to make the characters go away for a little bit, but it'll have to wait for now because I'm just feeling drained and listless right now.
I need a hug. BUT I WILL NOT GET ONE, YOU SEE, WHICH IS NOT HELPING MATTERS.
Also people are defriending me. It's quite sad that I notice this and it's more sad that I flail a bit and think that I am some sort fo terrible person due to it.
~Hathy_Col~
no subject
Date: 2006-04-01 10:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 05:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 05:20 pm (UTC)*flails*
But thank you. It's nice to know that people aren't rolling their eyes. Cos I worry about this sort of thing.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-01 11:27 pm (UTC)If it's anything, I'm not rolling my eyes...
no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 05:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 12:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 05:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 07:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 05:26 pm (UTC)Hugs are very much appreciated.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 08:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-02 06:13 pm (UTC)x