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hathycolI am getting married next weekend. I am, to the surprise of myself and those around me, not a wreck. Hurrah!
However, there are some things I have noticed, and this is mostly a list to myself but also to other people.
PLEASE TRY not to suggest things to me about my looks. I have been surprised at the sheer level of vanity/paranoia that the whole Bride thing has set off; comments are innocently made, but combined with the knowledge that these photos are going to be around FOREVER I am paranoid. An reasonably innocuous comment about my eyebrows by my mother has led to unexpected waxing. Okay, it ended well, but there we go. "How are you having your hair?" I get asked a lot, and when I mention I'm not straightening it/wearing it out people sometimes give me A Look. SERIOUSLY I HAVE THOUGHT THIS OUT BUT I AM CURRENTLY FRAGILE. I am periodically ending up in very strange thought spirals. So, er, unless I am actively asking your opinion then possible don't opine on my looks. You wouldn't do it to me normally.
On a related note, DO NOT ask me if I'll be wearing my glasses on the day. I wear my glasses during every waking hour. I cannot see without them, I can't abide wearing contact lenses, and I look like a mole without my glasses on. At what point is it sensible for me to take my glasses off?
DO NOT tell me your horror stories. "On my wedding day, the priest got our names wrong and I fell over my own veil," Damn Fool Boss's wife cheerfully told me the other day. I nearly cried. They are funny stories, I will freely admit, just not at the moment.
DO tell me your horror stories about stuff that cannot possibly happen on my wedding day. A friend told me about a wedding she attended where the child of the pastor ran around unchecked for the whole thing. There is no child of the pastor at my wedding, so I can laugh and also faintly victorious that whatever may go wrong at my wedding, this will not be it.
DO NOT ask me open-ended questions that can be solved with common sense. I cannot arrange how you are getting to the wedding. I am sorry. I provided instructions with the invitations. I am also unable to find you shoes, tell you when you check in to your hotel (a real question from Richie's mum), or advise what time you should take off work.
DO ask me specific questions. Matt sent a text to enquire if a guest house he had found was a sensible distance from the town. I can answer these questions without having the sense that I'm having to organise you on top of organising myself.
DO NOT assume Richie is in some way invisible, or not helping with the wedding. We've split it remarkably equally.
DO ask me about the day. Look, I like to burble about it, and to be honest I can't help it. I enjoy talking about it!
DO tell me about stuff that is not to do with the wedding. Please, please, please. Tell me about the course you're doing. Tell me about your new job. Chat with me about Being Human and why Tom is ace. Discuss that new book with me. Tell me about why you're never drinking gin again after what you did last weekend. Bitch with me about your neighbours. Just, you know, I am still a person who isn't this mythical bride figure. I like being the centre of attention, and it's a fabulously easy (and fun!) topic to talk about, but I can be drawn along a line of just talking about it and that is a bit rubbish.
And DO tell me when I'm being ridiculous. I tend to hysteria at the best of times, and now I'm even worse. Laugh at me, I need it sometimes.
However, there are some things I have noticed, and this is mostly a list to myself but also to other people.
PLEASE TRY not to suggest things to me about my looks. I have been surprised at the sheer level of vanity/paranoia that the whole Bride thing has set off; comments are innocently made, but combined with the knowledge that these photos are going to be around FOREVER I am paranoid. An reasonably innocuous comment about my eyebrows by my mother has led to unexpected waxing. Okay, it ended well, but there we go. "How are you having your hair?" I get asked a lot, and when I mention I'm not straightening it/wearing it out people sometimes give me A Look. SERIOUSLY I HAVE THOUGHT THIS OUT BUT I AM CURRENTLY FRAGILE. I am periodically ending up in very strange thought spirals. So, er, unless I am actively asking your opinion then possible don't opine on my looks. You wouldn't do it to me normally.
On a related note, DO NOT ask me if I'll be wearing my glasses on the day. I wear my glasses during every waking hour. I cannot see without them, I can't abide wearing contact lenses, and I look like a mole without my glasses on. At what point is it sensible for me to take my glasses off?
DO NOT tell me your horror stories. "On my wedding day, the priest got our names wrong and I fell over my own veil," Damn Fool Boss's wife cheerfully told me the other day. I nearly cried. They are funny stories, I will freely admit, just not at the moment.
DO tell me your horror stories about stuff that cannot possibly happen on my wedding day. A friend told me about a wedding she attended where the child of the pastor ran around unchecked for the whole thing. There is no child of the pastor at my wedding, so I can laugh and also faintly victorious that whatever may go wrong at my wedding, this will not be it.
DO NOT ask me open-ended questions that can be solved with common sense. I cannot arrange how you are getting to the wedding. I am sorry. I provided instructions with the invitations. I am also unable to find you shoes, tell you when you check in to your hotel (a real question from Richie's mum), or advise what time you should take off work.
DO ask me specific questions. Matt sent a text to enquire if a guest house he had found was a sensible distance from the town. I can answer these questions without having the sense that I'm having to organise you on top of organising myself.
DO NOT assume Richie is in some way invisible, or not helping with the wedding. We've split it remarkably equally.
DO ask me about the day. Look, I like to burble about it, and to be honest I can't help it. I enjoy talking about it!
DO tell me about stuff that is not to do with the wedding. Please, please, please. Tell me about the course you're doing. Tell me about your new job. Chat with me about Being Human and why Tom is ace. Discuss that new book with me. Tell me about why you're never drinking gin again after what you did last weekend. Bitch with me about your neighbours. Just, you know, I am still a person who isn't this mythical bride figure. I like being the centre of attention, and it's a fabulously easy (and fun!) topic to talk about, but I can be drawn along a line of just talking about it and that is a bit rubbish.
And DO tell me when I'm being ridiculous. I tend to hysteria at the best of times, and now I'm even worse. Laugh at me, I need it sometimes.
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Date: 2012-03-05 09:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-06 07:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-05 10:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-06 07:43 pm (UTC)That sounds like a marvellous novel, and I shall put it on the list!
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Date: 2012-03-06 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-06 07:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-06 02:31 am (UTC)second, breathe. No matter what happens, you'll still be married at the end of the day (the thought that got me through my own wedding day)
third, be sure and let all this stress you're feeling come out at the reception. It makes the party that much more fun knowing all of the stress is over!
fourth, glasses are sexy. Just fyi. :D
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Date: 2012-03-06 07:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-06 06:02 am (UTC)In other news, I have approved that post on new_who (the doctor is a cat? or something? it seemed harmless), and am not sure why it took me so long to learn that Wittgenstein was gay. I only found out yesterday, having first studied his work some five years ago.
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Date: 2012-03-06 07:45 pm (UTC)Wittgenstein was gay?!
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Date: 2012-03-06 07:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-07 03:54 am (UTC)Well, he apparently had at least two male lovers. They aren't mentioned in many of the biographical sketches, which prefer not to mention sex at all or to make vague allusions to 'his homosexuality', but (from what I've read so far) there does seem to be some evidence for the relationships - given that this was Britain in the 1930s and 40s, probably as much as you'd expect.
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Date: 2012-03-06 12:27 pm (UTC)I remember being about halfway through my wedding reception, looking around the room and thinking "Huh. You know, I never did get around to doing centerpieces for the tables." So there were no centerpieces. And no one stormed out of the reception hall, offended by the lack thereof.
One small warning, at least this happened to me. My major freakout came the day AFTER the wedding. Because suddenly, after all this time, there was no wedding to plan. No wedding to stress out over. Morgan had to stick me in the hot tub with a bottle of wine because I didn't know what to do with myself. So if that happens to you, think of me, laugh it off, and have a wonderful first day being Mrs. Richie.
Have a wonderful wonderful wedding!!!
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Date: 2012-03-06 07:47 pm (UTC)I am all prepared for post-wedding freakout to the extent that I'm debating starting a night school course to fill my time!
And thank you! All calming words like this are keeping me happy. :-)
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Date: 2012-03-09 06:31 pm (UTC)On the things-that-could-never-have-happened-at-my-wedding (but would have been SO COOL) topic, I have to say that those are the best centerpieces in ever. Love it!
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Date: 2012-03-08 10:02 pm (UTC)Also, I am going to say one thing about how you look: you will look beautiful. Partly because you just do: you are one of the most beautiful people I know, Colleen. And this probably to do with the second reason: you will look beautiful because you will be marrying Richie, and having a wonderful day, with all your favourite people, and you will look happy. And happiness is beautiful.
I am looking forward to next weekend SO MUCH. *g*
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Date: 2012-03-09 10:05 am (UTC)And also:*hugs*
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Date: 2012-03-09 06:30 pm (UTC)Also, when you said "this mythical bride figure" that made me think of Kill Bill. :)
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Date: 2012-03-09 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 05:56 pm (UTC)Whenever people call me 'The Bride' I get the music from Kill Bill in my head. I am aware this ends badly...